MoJo

NSFW
Make US Laugh(again & again)

1,352 posts in this topic

I found my dream job!

 

EDS!!!, I wouldn't let them wipe me arse

 

Ha, I told the big man to stick his job up his arse and left them in the DooDoo such a good feeling.

El Kedalfi likes this

Share this post


Link to post

"My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them un-chaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.
 
Because I didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.
 
"Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again."
The silence in the taxi was deafening....."
Edited by El Kedalfi
Ruyi, MoJo and xeo_wulf like this

Share this post


Link to post

 

"My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them un-chaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.
 
Because I didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.
 
"Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again."
The silence in the taxi was deafening....."

 

 

I see you frequented reddit today. Good sir.

xeo_wulf and El Kedalfi like this

Share this post


Link to post

I took my best mate round to my house the other day.
My wife started screaming her head off at me while my mate just sat there and listened.
Where the fuck have you been she said, I've not had time to do my fucking hair and makeup, the dishes are still in the fucking sink, you've not walked the fucking dog, and dont think Im cooking you any fucking tea tonight!

Finally she looks at my mate and says, What the fuck you brought him home for?
Because he's thinking of getting married I replied.

xeo_wulf, Lightman and El Kedalfi like this

Share this post


Link to post

Stupid Facebook deleted the link but I found it on Youtube:

PML.

 

I see the "soap" problem is a world wide issue.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now